Check out this awesome/terrible trailer for Star Wars: The Binks Awakens.
This is the second such trailer. Check out the first one too!
Welcome back to the Jar Jar Hate Page! The greatest Jar Jar Hate Page on the Internet which hasn't been touched in some 13 years. In our hiatus a terrible movie came out in 2005 and at some point they remade Return of the Jedi to include a Gundam, quite likely Jar Jar, which was a kick in the fucking teeth.
There's a new Star Wars movie coming out next month in case you haven't heard. Will Jar Jar be in it? Probably not but we shall see.
This new poster featuring all Jar Jar in The Force Awakens was designed by Olly Gibbs.
Hot damn! You seen this crap? Ridiculous. I thought Jar Jar pissed me off. I mean "Yo Da Man" and "Yoda Da Man"? Is nothing sacred? I mean it was bad enough that the old ad for Yoda said that he was a "Great Warrior" despite Yoda clearly saying in Empire that "War does not make one great" but this is just... wrong! I mean it's the kind of thing you'd expect in a movie with a greatly exagerated satire of everything that embodies selling out. Sad.
That being said I think the DVD is pretty good. Go out and buy it to support this brilliant advertising campaign.
Scandal! The Emperor's guards are Wookies! I'm sure everyone's familiar with the look of an Emperial guard. They're the guys that go around with the Emperor in Return of the Jedi. They're also in Episode II guarding Palpatine (hey what's that all about? duh duh duh). Well... here's what they look like. They're the red guys:
So I was a kid once (once?) and I had these figures for the guards. I always wondered what their heads looked like. Somehow I never thought twice about what a storm trooper looked like but these guys had me wondering what they looked like as if they were the second coming of Dr. Claw (or would that be the first?) ... anyway I actually went as far as ripping the head off one of the toys and ripping the head out of the helmet with a butter knife. No there was no face shown under there. The face was sort of part of the helmet. What a dissapointment.
So here I am nearly 20 years later and I finally get around to seeing the Star Wars Holiday Special. The story centers around Chewbacca trying to get home to his family for Life Day. Well at the end we see all the Wookies dressed up for Life day in ... Emperor's guard robes! I mean seriously... just chell this out:
How can you even dispute that?
So... that movie kicked all kinds of ass, eh? So the Jar Jar Hate Page is now officially 3 years old. I can't say how many hits this place has gotten 'cause I really don't know but I'm sure it's way more than it deserves. Updated the front page with some stuff about the first movie which I'll reiterate in here since if I ever change what's on the front page that stuff will still be somewhere. Right 'cause the stuff written on this page is like a damned novel. Whatev.
So about Jar Jar's role in episode 2. Short and sweet. I thought that was great. He was annoying, no doubt, but he wasn't sitting there gnawing at us like a dentist's drill probing your uretra. He stuck to the short scenes he was in and, unlike the first movie, didn't just sort of hang around in the background of otherwise great scene. Can you just imagine Anikan and Padme sharing their romantic dinner and then as the CG pear floats across the table *slurp* Jar Jar's big fucking tongue picks it up? Damn... I'm so glad he stayed out of this one. For once I'm glad Lucas's word doesn't mean shit.
Anyway... it's official. It's all Jar Jar's fault. Supreme Chancelor evil dude played that bitch like a violin. After Padme's horribly short sighted decision to make him a substiute Senator, Jar Jar gives Palpatine emergency powers and there's no looking back from there. I mean that's the single most pivotal role in boosting him into the role of evil Emperor. Now ignoring the fact that this move has secured Palpatine's place as the undisputed ruler of the Galaxy there's the immediate repercussions to consider. He did it all to allow the war which will tear apart the federation. The death of anyone who dies during the Clone Wars as well as anyone killed during the Emperor's rule, including the entire population of Alderan, has all been directly caused by Jar Jar's ignorance.
In anticipation for the upcoming release of episode II I have reopened the Message Board. Go spread the hate!
Also made a new pic of the worst possible outcome of episode II. Seems impossible but after Jar Jar's mere existence in the first film I wouldn't put anything past Lucas.
##It's really getting close to Ep 2's release date now. I'm getting excited. The script is online for those of you who actually read that crap. I don't get why anyone would ever want to go and do something like spoil a perfectly good movie but I guess that's just one of those things I'll never get. Here's the script. I don't know if it's real or fake. I'm not about to go and read it to find out.
##Senator Jar Jar? This better be some sort of joke to get
people talking about the movie by hating it. Jesus!
##Well I sure as hell did come close to going a year without updating didn't I? Well I didn't damn it!
##So. New movie coming out, eh? Seen the teaser? Looks pretty good. Jar Jar's in it. He's in the background behind Mace in some shot. Anyway. Since hype should be comin' back in I thought I'd fix up the old site. So I've had some broken linked images for... well for months now but what the hell. I'm trying to put everything in order.
##Here's a quote from Ahmed Best, everyone favourite ass sucking actor who played Jar Jar Binks.
"I'm thrilled that Jar Jar is included in this new film, but, at the same time, I'm a little disappointed. Jar Jar has a small role. He doesn't do much in the film. I don't get to provide the same kind of brilliant humor like I did in the first film. The fans are really going to be disappointed that Jar Jar has been reduced to a minor, minor character. If the fans will write to Lucasfilm and complain, perhaps George will give me a much bigger role in Episode 3. Jar Jar is a great character and everyone seems to just love him." (Source: Ahmed Best [Jar Jar Binks])
##Well I'm not sure where Best got the mistinterpretation that Jar Jar was a popular character in Episode I considering he's the most hated character in Star Wars history... maybe he thinks he's being funny or something... I don't know.
##Some I'm surfin' around this morning and find out about this wierd e-mail that was apparently leeked out that was going between people working on episode II. You can find out more about it at this link... or you would already have read about it if you'd received issue #5 of The Jar Jar Hate Mailing List. So if you didn't get it then read it here and make sure you don't miss out next time by signing up here... oh and since I never mentioned it on this page before I have moved the Jar Jar Hate Message Board yet again... well I more just amalgamated it with my other boards as to increase traffic and make an all around better posting experience for all. You can now get there from http://pub11.ezboard.com/badamrulz#jj
##Those bastard @ StarWars.com stuck a damned banner on the bottom of my page. Luckily I just registed my own domain name @ aDamRulz.com. So the new URL for the Jar Jar Hate Page is simple. It's just aDamRulz.com/jj. The old iscool.net still works but they got popups. No more popups!
##StarWars.com is doing this stupid offer where they let every bum like me host a site on theirs so as the ultimate insult I've decided to move my site to StarWars.com. I wonder if they'll delete it? I know I'm violating the terms of service but no more than anyone else. Of course I think they make them vague like they do so that they can take down pages like mine without having to justify themselves.
##Oh yeah and I did a bunch of changes today. Nothing noticeable but it'll make these pages about 100x more readable to me.
##Ep 1 comes out on video next week. April 4th I think. Blockbuster's got this totally week thing where they expect people to go at midnight just to buy the video. What a bunch of idiots. Here are a few rought numbers I've whipped up. The earth's population is what. 6 billion? So they're gonna make about 7 billion copies of ep 1 for video. So in the style of the ET the Extraterestrial Atari game (so very week). There is gonna be a box of Episode 1 tapes buried in the desert some day.
##I put up a new better Message Board today. Hope you guys all like it. There might be a surge of traffic with the video coming out. Expect me to get back into the throws of it when ep 2 starts getting more exposure.
##I've been updating some of my other sites lately. I don't know if I'll try to make this one better. I made it a year ago and although it might look okay the HTML code is a huge mess 'cause... I'm lazy and don't make anything clear. I'm talking for nothing. Bye.
##Well I'm finally on vacation. Does this mean I'll finally be able to updated? Yes. Does this mean I will? No. But I did write Issue #4 of the Jar Jar Hate Newsletter today. You can read it here. Merry Christmas.
So what if it's been like... 3 weeks since I've updated. The Star Wars hype has pretty much died down. We can't let this stop us from hating Jar Jar though. He is the devil and we must be strong to overcome his evil!
I added a bunch of Jar Jar Hate Links today. There are now 56. I also checked for broken links and actually uploaded the banners to my page 'cause people kept moving them around for some reason. I'm sorry for people who sent me Jar Jar Hate Art that I haven't put up yet. I'm pretty lazy you see and updating takes... well... effort. I'll get to it eventually.