The Jar Jar Hate Newsletter - Issue #3 Wassup?! Finally the third issue of the Newsletter is here. Enjoy! IN THIS ISSUE: - Gungan Genitals? Not likely : This just in: Jar Jar has no penis. It's documented! - Would You Rather : ** For mature audiences only ** A new "Would You Rather" poll Would you rather bang Vader, an Ewok, Palpatine, C3PO, Boss Nass, the Sarlacc Pit, a Tunsken Raider or a Bantha - Word Search Results : Why didn't anyone complete my word search? Well at least Laro did - - - - - - - - - - - GUNGAN GENITALS? NOT LIKELY - - - - - - - - - - - I know the question of Jar Jar's sexuality has been plaguing your mind as it has mine. The results of the Jar Jar sexual preference poll were as follows: There were a total of 453 votes ------------------------------ He's gay (137) 30% ------------------ All Gungans are gay (82) 18% -------------- Gugans are asexual (65) 14% ---------------- He's a eunuch (74) 16% ---------- Jar Jar's all man (47) 10% ----------- Jar Jar is a woman (48) 11% Keep in mind that more than one choice could be selected. Well these are interesting results but with some new evidence that has come into light some of these possibilities are either certain or don't apply. I was browsing through one of those money trap Star Wars encyclopedia things. The making of or something like that. An official thing. They had a bunch of sketches of costume and character designs and stuff. On one page I found a nude picture of Gungans and guess what? Yeah it was really gross but besides that, no genitals. No protruding organs of any kind. Jar Jar has no penis. As for the idea of Gungan women. At a first glance at the movie it seems as if all Gungans are male or at least that there are no distinguishing features between the two. At closer observation however there are female Gungans in the background of some scenes. Either females of slender men with breasts. When they first arrive at the Gungan City there is at least one in the background and a few more when Queen Amidala visits Boss Nass in the forest. A few other things to look for in the background: - ET aliens and Wookies in the Senate. - The "I can't believe it's not Samuel L. Jackson" stand in who's supposed to look like Mace Windu when the Council arrives on Naboo at the end. It's not like Sammy's doing other work. Maybe he was sick or something. - Padme's silent talking when they first enter Anakin's house. - The slapstick fight between a Gungan and a Battle Droid when Jar Jar gets that gun stuck on his foot. - When they leave Corussant. Anakin says "Let's Go R2!" and R2 goes towards a ramp that's about a foot off the ground. Way too high for him to drive up on. - Obiwan's head feint. Nice! - Little blue guys all over the place. They're on Tatooine and in the Senate. - Watto's red and blue chance cube has a white side. - One of the Battle Droids has the number 1138 on his back. THX 1138 was Lucas' first movie. - - - - - - - - WOULD YOU RATHER - - - - - - - - ** Don't read unless you're at least 14 ** ** I don't care about corrupting your mind ** ** You simply won't get this little article ** Yah I know it's the exact same thing as last time but these are the kind of things that keep me up at night. R2 creamed the last poll. I'll put him against the winner of this one to determine the most sexually alluring Star Wars creature. The results for the first poll were as follows, out of 248 votes: --------------- Jar Jar (36) 15% -------- Yoda (20) 8% ------------- Chewbaca (31) 13% ------ Jabba (15) 6% -- Watto (6) 2% ---------- Sebulba (10) 4% ----------- A Jawa (28) 11% ----------------------------------------- R2 D2 (102) 41% So who's in this next poll. Check it out: Darth Vader: Well he's tall so he's probably got a huge shlong. He could use his Jedi powers to increase your sexual enjoyment. Turn over to the Dark Side baby. He can really handle his light saber An Ewok: Cute, cuddly, I guess that's cool if it's your fetish. Of course something being cute and something you want to bang is totally different. Like the Jawas they're short so the oral isn't much of a problem. A lot of body hair though. Not really hair but fur. Emperor Palpatine: Old, wrinkly, not the most appealing man. Like Vader however he's got the Jedi thing going on. If sneezing while having an orgasm increases pleasure then imagine getting shocked by his huge electric bolts. C3PO: Like R2 a Droid has a less offensive look to him. No slime, no hair, none of that. It would make you think twice next time he says "I am C3PO, human cyborg relations". Boss Nass: I guess technically he's a Gungan although he looks as much like a Gungan as R2 looks like the Death Star. He's gross and slimy. I guess he'd be good at the oral 'cause he can really flap those gums. The Sarlacc Pit: The world's widest... hole. It's got about 12 tongues. Now that's kinky. It takes 1000 years to be digested in there. It's got a lot of stamina then. A Tusken Raider: Maybe they could use their huge staffs as accessories. Like the Jawas you could imagine that Tusken Raiders are really hot chicks under those wrapping. Merry Christmas. I unwrapped this package and a hot chick was in it! A Bantha: They're like huge mastodons. Lots of hair, lots of loving. A huge... trunk... You could do the nasal thing. Made your decision? Good. Now go vote on the Jar Jar Hate Page @ http://jarjar.iscool.net/ - - - - - - - - - WORD SEARCH RESULTS - - - - - - - - - Well no one actually completed my Word Search which is still posted @ http://www.angelfire.com/on/ninjzz/motcache.txt The solution was "Jar Jar Stars In Full House". Although no one actually sent in a solution my friend Laro did complete when I asked him to test it to make sure it was all right. Check out his page, Pete's Village @ http://village.iscool.net/ [] Another fantastic issue comes to an end. I hope you enjoyed this one. If you enjoyed it tell your friends. They'll be eternally grateful. Keep checking back at the Jar Jar Hate Page @ http://jarjar.iscool.net I recently I fixed it so that it's totally Netscape compatible. Netscape sucks! There are now 43 hate links with more added every week. Keep up the good fight. Keep spreading the hate. Adam